I wrote this over a week ago–finally posting

Well, it has been over a month since I last posted, and you are about to find out why. It really became impossible for me to blog without revealing a major aspect of our lives that we just weren’t ready to reveal yet online: namely, we are pregnant with our second child!

We found out the same week that we started the GAPS diet. I know the idea had been to heal my gut before I conceived again, but…you know, sometimes these things just happen! J Anyways, even though Dr. Campbell-McBride recommends that already pregnant women without digestive issues go straight to the full diet, and also eat potatoes and sourdough bread and soaked grains, I decided I still wanted to all do the intro together.

After realizing how horrible it made me feel, I felt guilty. What if I had harmed the 3-week-old embryo inside me? Most likely it was fine and I was the one getting the brunt of the harm, but still. This is one reason that the intro diet slammed me as hard as it did.

Then I got the bronchitis. Before I knew what it was, I was worried it was hurting the tiny fetus. It was great that they couldn’t really prescribe me anything for it since I was pregnant, but I also knew that my immune system being down was not ideal for early pregnancy. The bronchitis, the tiredness, the stress of the diet—everything was really not helping my early-pregnancy state.

Then morning sickness hit as early as five and a half weeks, beginning while we were traveling to New Haven and just getting worse and worse. I had been planning to wait to introduce sourdough and soaked grains until after we told family and friends at the end of July, but I was quickly getting to the point where I could hardly eat anything because of the nausea. My close friend who is expecting her third told me about how she had been on a low-carb diet but when morning sickness hit with this one, all of a sudden she could pretty much only eat everything bagels and cream cheese. I began to daydream about everything bagels. And one morning after dropping off Cyprian, I just went to Monuts and got an everything bagel sandwich. I could not handle it anymore. It was so good to eat something I wanted to eat. So for the next week or so, Shane went to Monuts to buy me day-old bagels and made me sandwiches. I needed the carb to be the carrier for the other food. But soon I became unable to handle fermented foods. Shane completely took over broth making because I could not handle the smell or sight of broth. I still gag when I come into the house and smell the broth in the crock pot. I can no longer eat stewed chicken.

In fact, I can’t really write about everything that is making me miserable right now because I might toss my cookies all over the computer. Suffice it to say that while I have not been completely laid up, it has been a constant struggle. Shane has been incredible, forcing me to take naps and spending most of the time in the kitchen.

I will try to catch up with some themes that I’ll be exploring more in the blog: Guilt. Relief. Stress. Coming to terms with the fact that this is just not the right time. Although at first I really wanted to keep Cyprian on the diet, the stress and pressure, not to mention kitchen prep time, is overwhelming. We’ve returned him to cooking things in olive oil, eating oatmeal soaked overnight, and having potatoes, sweet potatoes, and black beans. I am not stressing when he has ketchup with sugar in it, and if we go to Locopops and they are out of the stevia-sweetened ones and he has to get a sugar-sweetened one. His diet is already so limited that I need to be able to not think about GAPS right now. It was a short experiment, and I am pushing away thinking about it because I just can’t right now. I will still blog, but it will be different than I anticipated.